pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
