oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
