TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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