i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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