So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
