just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
