do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize