so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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