i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize