Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
