I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
