Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
