So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
