I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
