K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
