I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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