That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
