One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
