This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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