I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
