Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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