There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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