we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
