you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
