I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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