I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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