Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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