I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
