I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
