Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
