i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize