HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
