why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
where are you?
Hypothermia
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
