someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
