New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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