woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
