for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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