it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I've blown a few things in my day
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
