I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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