Your tits are I can't wait for
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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