I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
