If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
