He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
