If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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