Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
