I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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