duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
