He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
