just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
