we made out on top of his cat.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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