i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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