Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
