i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
