thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
