I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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