he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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