my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
