Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
