Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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