I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
