Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
