we made out on top of his cat.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
