Pants 0. Shit 1.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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