Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
