if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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