So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize