oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
