Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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