do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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