dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
