I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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