happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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