now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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