dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
