I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
