I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Michael Bay diarrhea
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
