my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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