The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
