I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
