I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
