..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
