can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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