I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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