toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
