he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize