i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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