the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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