absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Randomize