it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
