I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
