sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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