well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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