I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
