I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she smelled like a LAN party
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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