DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
