First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
