So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
