Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
