Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
