Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
