Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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