we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
