Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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