Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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