We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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