wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
