my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize